Confidence.

Confidence is like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it gets!

Confidence. It is a beautiful thing. Many women who come to see me want more of it. I teach them how to get it. Through movement, through encouragement, through them seeing it themselves when they've done something they couldn't do before.  Through them seeing themselves through my eyes and coming to believe.

1.  full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed.

2.  belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance

3.  certitude; assurance

 

Vulnerability: being honest with how we feel, who we really are, letting another person and other people completely see us with our fears, what we need and asking for what we need. Ouch. Scary. Completely absolutely terrifying.  

Living wholeheartedly: with the knowledge that we are enough and deserve the best in how we treat ourselves and how others treat us in all ways: body, mind, personal relationships, spiritual life etc. EMBODIED CONFIDENCE. Know that you are enough and YOU are always worth it.  

Confidence. It is Having and Being ALL of this for yourSelf.

Accept and love your biggest Gifts and your biggest Challenges. They make us who we are...BODY, MIND AND SOUL! Embodied Confidence.
 Own it.

 

This is something I have worked on cultivating in myself very diligently for the last few years.  It comes and goes for all of us, it is simply a practice of practicing it, believing it and in many cases, practicing FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT!  

There is definitely something to be said for believing beyond rational believing.  There is definitely something to be said for intention and just going for it, no matter what.  There is definitely something to doing your best and accepting nothing less that the best showing up.  

I have also found that a CRUCIAL piece for me in finding and anchoring my confidence and absolute total belief in myself is having other amazing beings saying, "I see you!  You are absolutely amazing!  Be it!" and being there for and with me.

Let me be this for and with you!  You deserve ALL of this for yourself!

 

I offer Confidence and Women's Empowerment/Embodiment coaching with One-on-one fitness and wellness training. I basically work psychosomatically, physically and energetically with each individual person to shift themselves: Body, Mind and Soul!

I specialize in working with people (mainly women) to model, teach and empower them to become and BE more comfortable with their bodies, in their own skin and within their body-mind-spirit from a place that is less than loving themselves to an EPIC place of love & joy at who they are, within themselves & in their bodies.

I do this with 1-on-1 movement work, education about healthy eating choices, Soul Infusion Movement classes, Pilates based core conditioning classes, corrective movement, posture education, playshops, retreats and weekends built around women diving into their core essence & themselves in a very grounded & real, Body-Mind & Spirit integrated way.

Feel free to contact me anytime! tracy@bodymindalignedfitness.com

Vulnerability. Wholeheartedly.

Vulnerability.  I have been told that vulnerability is the key for me to get everything I want...romantically with a man, as well as professionally with the business I am creating.  Ok, Cool, Got it, Simple.  Be vulnerable.  Ummmmmm....what does that mean, anyway?  We bat the term around a lot, but what does vulnerability really mean and how do I be it?

Brene Brown is seen as a foremost authority on vulnerability.

Her take:  "The overwhelming message in our culture today is that an ordinary life is a meaningless life unless you are grabbing a lot of attention and you have lots of Twitter and Facebook fans who know everything you know.  I use the shame-based fear of being ordinary as my definition for narcissism...No matter how happy and fulfilling (a person's) small, quiet life is, they feel it must not mean very much, because it's not the way people are measuring success, which is just terrifying."

"The root of the scarcity issue is fear.  Fear consumes an enormous amount of energy in our lives, and to me it's probably the greatest casualty of the scarcity culture.  We are spending so much time and energy being afraid that we are not fully walking into our power and gifts."  In addition, "Joy is a daring emotion!  We are going to let ourselves stop in a moment that won't last forever, that can be taken away.  We feel almost that you are a schmuck if you let yourself feel too deeply because the bas stuff is going to happen."

She has coined the term "wholeheartedly" for the people who live their life from the feeling of being enough.  How did they arrive at that emotional place?  There are two things they share in common.  The first is a sense of worthiness-they engage in the world, with the world, from a place of worthiness.  Second, they make choices every day in their life, choices that almost feel subversive in our culture.  They are mindful about things like rest and play.  They cultivate creativity, they practice self-compassion.  They have an understanding of the importance of vulnerability and the perception of vulnerability as courage.  They show up in their lives in a very open way that I think scares most of us."

"When I asked people, 'What is vulnerability?', a large percentage of them used the example of "initiating sex with my wife/husband".  Yet, there can be no intimacy-emotional, spiritual, or physical intimacy without vulnerability.  One of the reasons there is such an intimacy deficit today is because we don't know how to be vulnerable.  It's about being honest with how we feel, about our fears,  about what we need, and, asking for what we need.  Vulnerability is a glue that holds intimate relationships together."

To me, that is the gold for me here...being completely honest with how I feel, who I really am and letting another person/other people completely see me, about my fears and what I need, and asking for what I need.  Ouch.  Scary.  Completely absolutely terrifying.

If I do that:  I open myself up to judgement about how I feel (especially if it's not nice, like everyone always wants everyone else to be and feel, real or not), I might have someone I really like and really want to like me NOT like me and that would completely destroy my little heart, I might confess my fears and what I need and be completely judged and rejected and if I ask for what I need and I don't get it, or, even worse, I get told that it's ridiculous, that would be completely devastating!

So, the alternative:  I live my life and do't admit or ask for what I want and what I know is my soul's longing and/or truth because I will be judged by others outside of my life.  Um, yeah.  That doesn't sound like a good idea to me.  I don't admit what I want and express and I don't get what could make me really happy.  Of course, I still might not, but I have NO chance if I'm not vulnerable with it.  I might ask for what I want and not get it, or I just might get it and WAY more than I ever dreamed of or hoped for, in all ways....

My sweet Daddy

My Daddy and Me when I was about 5.  (Funny, if you know me, I still wear my hair like this if it's up in a ponytail!)  I Love my sweet Daddy. 

I'd always been such a Daddy's Girl.  My dad was an absolute softball pitcher RockStar, verging on being semi-pro, and I grew up on the bleachers and yelling "YEAY DADDY!" at the top of my lungs every time he was on the mound.   He was just a cool dude, had a pretty rough upbringing, fought a lot and was a tough and scrappy little guy and I just thought he was the coolest dude who ever lived!

My mother was also the love of his life and when she died and he was suddenly a 36 year old man with 2 children under 10 and a failing business that his employees had ruined while he was caring for her in her last 6 months of life and he had lost the love of his life...he lost it, everything changed.  My awesome, amazing cool Daddy was a very lost soul.  Since then, I had not seen him really fully show up and participate in his life at all.  At all. 

He literally Stayed checked out until December 22, 2012, the day the Mayans said that nothing would ever be the same again.  While sitting talking with my brother and I that day, He shared from a very deep and genuine place within himself what really happened the day my mother died.  He had never shared this with us before, certainly never from this place.  She was very sick, the cancer was everywhere, in her spinal cord, her brain, everywhere...she was throwing up all day.  He was up for about 48 hours straight.  He was holding the pan for her, doing anything she needed, being there and loving her, no matter what, showing up probably more than my father ever had and definitely ever has since.  He went to sleep...he went to sleep for a very short time...and when he woke up, she was gone.  He STILL thinks he could've done something and he stills blames himself.  Irrational, yes.  The heart and Soul aren't rational, especially when it comes to the love of your life.  He showed up the biggest and the most powerful and the most he had ever showed up in his life...and she still died.  So, his pain had him retreat back in, even deeper. 

He still talks to her.  He still apologizes to her for not understanding that all she really wanted was for him to show up and be her best friend.  I also believe that he has spent his whole entire life holding space for her. 

So today, my Daddy lives a sweet, simple life in the country in Texas, taking care of his animals, domestic and not, and he loves it, taking pleasure in the little things in life.  He's had a pretty turbulent and in many ways disappointing for him life so he likes the simplicity and quiet he has now.  Simple, sweet and loving...he has brightened so many lives along the way in his life, people can't help but smile when they are around him.  We talked for almost 2 hours this morning, he genuinely asks and wants to know about what I am doing in my life and in my business now, even thought he doesn't really understand most of it, it doesn't matter, he's super impressed and he Loves me and is extremely proud of me...huge from a man who asked me if I had thought about "getting a job" less that a year ago...then a few months later, got me a necklace telling me to "shoot for the moon, if I miss, I'll only land in the stars."  Thank you Daddy.  I love you sweet Daddy.

R.A.W.

This week has been such a learning, teaching, challenging week for me. I found myself challenging even the very foundation of everything I do, everything I am and everything I think I know.

With all that I have been destroying and uncreating in my life (within myself), I have been asking lots of questions: What else is possible? What if none of anything looks the way I think it looks at all? How can my playshop contribute to herself? What does she want? How can my work contribute to my money flows (rather than me having to work my butt off to contribute to my work)? Why do I keep doing this one habit that continually trips me up and I can never seem to shift it? Lots of dropping in. Lots of questioning.

Feeling ready to just give up, having a very unstable client go off on me with a lot of untruths, feeling hopeless, feeling disappointed in myself for being this late person I've been all of my life and it gets me nowhere and is actually detrimental, looking at relationships and what is real and what is not, feeling completely raw and open to whatever...able to not judge myself with some of it, judging myself with some of it.

It's times like these when I rely so heavily on my support system. I could not do any of this without those amazing people in my life. They believe in me when I don't even believe in me. They tell me I rock and I believe them and find it within myself. They inspire me to keep working on and with the things I want to change. They show me other options and introduce other ideas and possibilities. The make it possible for me to move ahead, in every way.

So I forge on. Being completely human, screwing up a lot, being amazing a lot, doing my best and intending and/or working on changing all of the old stuff that doesn't serve me and actually hurts me. Continually questioning and continuing to ask for what I want to create to replace what I've cleared out of my space. That's all I can do, that's all any of us can do...that's what we are here to do, and hopefully we create more ease and joy within our lives and within other people's lives with just knowing we are all here, doing the best we can and loving each other through all of it...if I have ever disappointed you in any way, I deeply regret it. Please know its not my intention...and please always let me know...we are all here to love and help each other, in every way.

So you REALLY want it? If you did, you would get it and nothing would stop you.

Priorities. 

Is what you are doing, BEING and choosing in your life congruent with what you want (body, mind, spirit)?   If not, then y do it?  Choose different.  So you REALLY want it?  If you did, you would get it and nothing would stop you.  So, I ask you again, do you REALLY want it?

I know so many people who say they want something, from changing their body to changing their life to getting a new sofa.  The SAY they want it, but they use some excuse to not have it.   People say they want to have stronger, leaner and healthier bodies, and they won't get up and productively move their bodies with intention to change them OR make smarter food choices.  Hmmmmm, from what we know about how bodies function, is anything going to change?  People say they are in terrible pain in some way, and they won't actively and passionately seek out how to change it; when they DO find the solution for themselves, they use some excuse, usually time and/or money, to not have it for themselves.  Hmmmmm, does that make any logical sense if you REALLY want to be out of pain?  The same is true for everything in a person's life.  If you want it, truly in your bones want it, you will make it a priority:  energetically align yourself with your focused desire, schedule in the time, find the money, find a way to trade services to get our of pain, do a layaway plan on the sofa, endless possibilities.  It is simply a matter of choosing that you want something and directing your intention and actions towards having it, no questions.

Priorities.  What are you making the most important thing in your life?  What is in your life reflects what your priorities are.   Empower yourself.  Choose what you really want.  Go after it.  Be TRULY TRULY OPEN to how it is going to show up.  Very often times it will not look like you think it is going to look, be open to and OK with that.  One choice lead to the next choice, which leads to the next one and you eventually end up at the end of your yellow brick road of the changed body, the Out-of Pain back, the awesome new car that you didn't think you could EVER afford!  

You get the idea.  It all boils down to choice.  It all boils down to how bad a person REALLY wants something.  I am in NO way shape or form saying it's going to show up tomorrow, I am saying that if you really decide and go after it, really aligning yourself energetically with what it is, not having these old limiting beliefs around WHATEVER you are telling yourself is stopping you.  It's really not, you and what you are making a priority are. 

My Mommy

My mommy.  If you get my newsletter, you saw her picture before reading this.  The resemblance is remarkable.  I look like her, I move like her, I have her mannerisms, I have her fabulousness she wasn't allowed to be. 

Kathryn Elaine Hagan Revell.  She died when I was almost 10.  I don't remember her very clearly.  I remember small things.  I remember us riding bikes around the neighborhood together.  I remember her sorting laundry and letting me help.  I remember that she LOVED Willie Nelson's Red-Headed Stranger (maybe that's why I absolutely adore him) and The soundtrack from "The Star is Born" (it's actually a phenomenal album!).  Everyone, Everyone, Everyone that knew her said she was the sweetest, most tender, loving, soft, faith-full and feminine woman they had ever known.  I was also told that she died because she was too sweet for this world, she didn't understand how people could be like that...I've also always known that she was very unhappy in her marriage and back then, women just didn't leave their marriages, no matter what, especially in Houston, Texas!  I also know that she was big and fabulous (I have added a picture to this blog

of her in a full length red leather coat, who wore a long full length red leather coat in the 70s in Houston?!  Nobody.) and not allowed to be (in any way, shape or form) and that kills a person's spirit, period.  She had breast cancer, evidently a very aggressive form of it, and back in 1979, they had no idea how to treat breast cancer...the Body sickness energetic people say that breast cancer is anger.  She died pretty much 6 months to the day that she went into the hospital.  I do remember that she was paralyzed on half of her body and disfigured and very drugged from the morphine.  I had huge guilt, until around age 16, that I never told her one more time I loved her because she was extremely scary for a small child to see. I told my father that when I was 16, he told me I was wrong, that I had told her I did and I hugged her.  It lifted a weight off of my heart and it makes me happy right now.

I went to a Movement Arts Festival with my 2 shaman practitioner friends Melanie Leithauser and Daniel Donovan (The magical duo.  They do their work together and it is beyond so powerful.  I want that with my man.)  yesterday.  I originally thought it was because I wanted to do a presentation to do my work.  It wasn't.  It was to do a Shamanic Breathwork Journey with them.  Right before we began, the women next to me in circle, whom had recently lost her mother, thanked me for being there because I reminded her of her mother, who was vibrant and full of life and amazing and just who she was, always.  Wow.  What a gift to me.  Then My mother was with me in my journey yesterday.  Melanie and Daniel do their work connected to a "soundtrack" of music and sounds specifically engineered to take everyBody on a journey through the Chakras.  I was totally aware the entire time that no matter which Chakra we were on (and I sensed each one, it was wild), my first chakra wanted to be connected to the earth the entire time.  Rooted, Grounded, Embodied. 

At one point, I had this absolute understanding that I was doing the work that I am doing in this life for myself for her as well.  I've been told this many times, but yesterday, I KNEW it within myself, wasn't told it from outside of me.   "I miss you" came up in me, which my mind always thinks is ridiculous because I never really had her, but my heart and soul know it isn't ridiculous.  I let myself just be in the knowing, the feeling, not going into the pushing it away with the thinking at all.  She's been with me a lot lately.  A lot.  Came to me loud and CLEAR yesterday that everything I am healing in this life is healing for her also.  The irony that today is Mother's Day dawned on me last night.  Energetics of life are interesting sometimes.

I love you Mommy.  I'm grateful I got to tell you that one last time.   I miss you.   Thank you for downloading your sweet sweet Queen heart and soul into me.  It and You have served me well to have that core underneath everything else that has happened in my life along the way.  Thank you.     I miss you.

My Angel Girl Bella

It was a year ago 5/2 when my Angel Girl Soulmate, Love of My Life Bella girl was diagnosed with her tumor reappearing.  I had no idea how I could ever live without my Bella, much less function and have a life.  I literally didn't know who I was without my B.  Literally.  Literally.

I had come home 2 days before and she was limping.  "Oh, Angel, what did you do?"  I thought nothing of it, Bella was often having a little glitch, then she was fine.  She was a f-ing rockstar.  Period. Everyone who knew her knew she was a f-ing rockstar.  (The previous July, she had had a large tumor and much of her chest superficial muscle and skin removed.  5 minutes after being under a general and having major surgery, the 14 and 1/2 year old amazingness in a beautiful blonde dog body was up and walking around, talking to and loving on everybody around, which is just who she was and what she did, period.  The surgeon even told me what a RockStar she was!)  I came home the next day and she could barely put weight on it.  "Oh Angel."  I figured she jumped off of her favorite perch in front of the window and hurt her arm.  Rocco needed to go to the vet too, so I called and made an appointment.  Our doctor looked at her and told me she thought her tumor was back.  "WHAT?!"  She's just limping!!!!!!!!!!  It was incomprehensible.

I called my good friend Dana, who is a beyond dog lover person and who I knew would get it, while I was in the room waiting for our doctor to come back in with Bella.  There was no way.  We had beat it a year before.  How could she possibly have her cancer back?  It wasn't possible.  I called my friend Rich.  I text my brother and my father.  I waited, numb.  Terrified and not believing it.  No absolute way possible I would ever lose my Bella.  It wasn't even an option in my reality.  Not even an option.  Dr. Monika came back in with my Girl, smiling and loving, no idea what we were in for over the next 3 months...either of us.  I listened, absolutely not believing or fathoming what she was telling me.  We would beat this, absolutely no question.  No question.  There was nothing Bella and I couldn't do.  Nothing.  I called my bestie Sabra on the way home.  Just to tell her, not that I might lose her, just to tell her.  Sabra always grounds me...I just wanted to tell her....

So I went into motion.  Life moves as you move and I am really good at moving.  We did a healing with my friend Tamlyn.  Tamlyn fell in love with her.  She told me that Bella wanted me to see and know how amazing I am and that I was and would continue to be with or without her.  It was time for me to own it and to be it, without her.  Bella was her amazing, cute, sweet self throughout the meeting.  The magical thing was, I got her to sit on my lap for probably 45 minutes.  Bella NEVER sat on my lap for that long-there were things to do and people to love around, why would I sit here?!  But she did, and every time Tam would hit on something Bella really wanted me to hear, she would close her mouth and look right at Tam, in the eyes, silently telling her thank you for communicating with me.  Seriously magical.

Next we did a healing with an animal energy healer.  We went to my vet to find out about Chemo.  We got a second opinion.  I knew I didn't want to give her chemo, no way I wanted this happy, amazing being sick.  No way I would do that to her and she didn't want it either.  We went to another vet who offered an alternative chemo he had had great results with and dogs not getting sick with.  I tried it.  It made her sick.  We got off.  I tried an alternative vet.  We did an amazing, beautiful, sweet and forever memorable photo shoot with the Incomparable Tamara Murphy-Webb.  Tamara fell in love with her.  We did a reading with an animal communicator.  My favorite things from that reading, "she wants it to be you and her, just as it was before she was diagnosed with this."  "she loves that no matter what, it was you and her, no matter who was in your life, what was going on, etc. it was always made clear it was me and her, period, no matter what." "why do humans think because we leave out bodies we are gone?  we are never gone."  she said our commitment to eachother and our agreements were too strong, that she would never leave me.  Ever.  and my ABSOLUTE favorite comment..."my human is amazing and she doesn't even know how amazing she is.  she does all of these amazing things for all of these people and she is amazing and she has no idea how amazing she is."  That was so my B. 

True to our life together, out last 3 months were quite the ride.  When she had the tumor removed, it was a wake up call for me...I took her with me everywhere I could for the last year of her life.  For the last 3 months, ALL I did was Bella 24/7.  She was absolutely my life.  Period.  During that time, I absolutely learned the true balance of Surrender and Mama Bear.  I accepted that she might leave me but I'd be damned if I wasn't going to fight for and protect her out of love with every bone and cell in my body and all of my soul.  I talked to her all of the time.  I asked her not to make me make the decision.  I told her how much I loved her.  I thanked her.  She died 8/4.  Her kidneys failed.  She orchestrated her last day so that she got to stay home with me, love on me all day and have me love on her all day long, creating what she wanted in her life and protecting me up until her last breath.  I was communicating with 2 psychic friends (ultimate gratitude Alexis and Pam) all day long and she told both of them she was fine all day, up until she died (orchestrating for me to go back to the store a SECOND time and she died while I was gone because she knew I could not handle watching her leave her body), then she talked to one of them...telling me to sit with her, to get out of my hysteria and sit with her, hold her, love her, one last time...so I did.  I held my B in my grandmother's homemade antique quilt.  I kissed her sweet spot between her eyes, right on her forehead.  I kissed her paws, which I loved to do.  I kissed her cheek.  I looked at her, not fathoming that I would never see her again.  I held her.  I felt her.  I loved her.  No words to explain how thankful I am for that time.

My wonderful friend Joel came and took me to the vet at 11pm on a Sunday night.  He had to take her from me to give the vet tech.  I literally couldn't let her go.  He literally had to take her from me.  I just sat there.  I can still feel it.  I just sat there.  We went home.  I called my BF Christiane on the east coast, she was sound asleep and she answered because she just knew.  I text my dad and my brother.  I tried to sleep.

I woke up and I started on my life after Bella, an absolute lost and numb wreck of a human being.  So I put one foot in front of the other.  I woke up every day and I moved.  I lived.  I leaned on all of the awesome people who love me in my life.  I started in on an entirely new direction in my life in so many ways.  Eventually, in around 6 months, I stopped crying every time I saw her picture or talked about her.  I got stronger.  I created an entirely new business and life path for myself.  I kept having all of these people love and support me and tell me how amazing I am, to just BE it, to know it, own it and live it without hesitation.  I had no idea what that looked or felt like for me...I eventually grew into it absolutely and I am grateful.  Beyond grateful.

So, my body of work, Embodied Confidence, grew out of this experience and out of my entire life with this amazing, beautiful, blonde, me in a dog body, loving and if you cross her you will know it, being.  You see, every time someone would tell me to just live and be amazing, all I did for a very long time was see her in my mind's eye and feel her in my heart.  To grow into the amazing, confident and integrated woman I have grown into...I had to have this amazing being show me the way...and give me the best example and the greatest, perfect life lesson to know what amazing is.  Bella, this is for you.  Thank you for giving me this ultimate greatest gift.  Mama loves you.  Mama Loves you more than Life itself.  Do you love your Mama?  Oh yes...I know you do.  Thank you Angel.  Eternally grateful for you.