This week has been non-stop and magical in so many ways: deep &
loving women's circle, huge networking event & dinner w one of my
besties, expansive healing group, dinner out, possibility charged
business meeting with a man who is going to help me get where I am
going, much needed massage and wonderful connections with so many
wonderful people.
Everything in my life is changed and changing. I can feel it. The
things I was deeply, in the core of my being, worried about, I have let
go of. I know without any doubt that it all IS & that it is all
unfolding, period. Everything I've worked for in every
aspect-physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually-is happening &
unfolding.
The key here is that I had to get to absolute, complete willingness to
lose everything I "have". I am not really in control anyway. It's
all perfect, even if I don't know it. All I have to do is do my
part, be an instrument, allow and know. All week, I have been
remembering that the Angel Card I pulled on New Year's Eve was
WILLINGNESS. It could not have been more true. I had to go with so
many things and events put in front of me. So many things happened that
I would never have wanted or could have had a clue were going to
happen, so many things I had to completely release. After this lesson,
this big piece of growth for me, then and only then would I be on the
track I was born to be on, whether I knew it or could do it myself
without all of the work I've done in every aspect of my life.
We are multi-dimensional beings. We are the physical, mental, emotion
and spiritual. It is impossible for us to not be, whether we believe
it or not. So own it, be it, be you, be the Big You. Allow, accept,
quite fighting yourself. Once u really and truly do, the payoff is much
more than you can imagine and bring about by doing the things you are
doing. Trust me, "Let Go, Let God", on a very profound level, is real. I
see it in so many of my friends and know it within myself. Namaste
dear ones. Namaste.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
So how is YOUR posture?
So how is YOUR posture?
I have SO many people tell me their posture is horrible and they want to improve it. Hmmmmmmm, funny thing, I specialize in helping people improve their posture, decrease back pain, and change their bodies in many many ways with awareness and targeted corrective movement.
Not to mention that your body language, (posture being the biggest, most obvious and seen part of body language) communicates so much about you to anyone who sees you. We unconsciously or even consciously form opinions about people from what we see, good or bad.
So Y pay attention to posture and body language? Who cares what other people think about you, right? You know who u are and you like you just fine. Right? Well....maybe not so much.
First of all, your posture actually does reflect how u feel about yourself. For example, one posture seen pretty often these days is one of people with very rounded shoulders and flat back. Many many people these days feel very beaten down and consistently over-stressed and it shows up in this posture. It also reflects how many people spend their lies sitting down, slumped over at their desks and/or behind their computers, which simply adds to the above mentioned.
Secondly, The physiology of ur body effects u mentally and emotionally.
What you do with your body, in any way, effects how you feel. Bad posture also effects circulation, muscle balance, etc., which effect so many things, including causing pain, which we all know effects people mentally and emotionally.
Thirdly, Ur body shape changes w ur posture. Do an experiment: stand in front of a full length mirror. Stand with your shoulders completely rounded over and your pelvis tucked under. Look what it makes your body look like. Hmmmmm, does your belly pooch out? Do u look like u need to lose 10 lbs, like u r sad, older than u r, have no muscle tone, etc? Now, stand up tall and let your shoulder blades slide down your back toward your hips and your chest open. Hmmmmmmm, do u look like u just lost 10 lbs? Do u look happier? Do you look younger? Hmmmmmmmm.
So posture really does matter, for many many reasons.
What are you doing to improve yours?
Don't cheat yourself. Be all that u can be. Feel as great as u can feel. Let others clearly see how amazing u r! Don't hide u, u deserve to be showcased and to shine brightly! Start with your posture, it will make all of the difference in the world for u, for ur body and for ur spirit.
I have SO many people tell me their posture is horrible and they want to improve it. Hmmmmmmm, funny thing, I specialize in helping people improve their posture, decrease back pain, and change their bodies in many many ways with awareness and targeted corrective movement.
Not to mention that your body language, (posture being the biggest, most obvious and seen part of body language) communicates so much about you to anyone who sees you. We unconsciously or even consciously form opinions about people from what we see, good or bad.
So Y pay attention to posture and body language? Who cares what other people think about you, right? You know who u are and you like you just fine. Right? Well....maybe not so much.
First of all, your posture actually does reflect how u feel about yourself. For example, one posture seen pretty often these days is one of people with very rounded shoulders and flat back. Many many people these days feel very beaten down and consistently over-stressed and it shows up in this posture. It also reflects how many people spend their lies sitting down, slumped over at their desks and/or behind their computers, which simply adds to the above mentioned.
Secondly, The physiology of ur body effects u mentally and emotionally.
What you do with your body, in any way, effects how you feel. Bad posture also effects circulation, muscle balance, etc., which effect so many things, including causing pain, which we all know effects people mentally and emotionally.
Thirdly, Ur body shape changes w ur posture. Do an experiment: stand in front of a full length mirror. Stand with your shoulders completely rounded over and your pelvis tucked under. Look what it makes your body look like. Hmmmmm, does your belly pooch out? Do u look like u need to lose 10 lbs, like u r sad, older than u r, have no muscle tone, etc? Now, stand up tall and let your shoulder blades slide down your back toward your hips and your chest open. Hmmmmmmm, do u look like u just lost 10 lbs? Do u look happier? Do you look younger? Hmmmmmmmm.
So posture really does matter, for many many reasons.
What are you doing to improve yours?
Don't cheat yourself. Be all that u can be. Feel as great as u can feel. Let others clearly see how amazing u r! Don't hide u, u deserve to be showcased and to shine brightly! Start with your posture, it will make all of the difference in the world for u, for ur body and for ur spirit.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Profound Knowing, Sensing, Feeling
I had a very profound day.
So, as I sit here with mellow music on and candles burning all around me, I reflect back on what was so profound about today. As it is with the profound, it is challenging to put into words. It is a feeling, a knowing, a sensation in my body. I will do my best:
It was a very productive day; I scoured my refrigerator (which I cannot remember the last time I did that, felt really good), baked all morning (peanut butter bites made w chick peas, PB, honey and raisins-quite tasty actually! And gluten free, egg free bread, yum), vacuumed my house, washed my sheets & comforter, etc. it was a productive day!
It was also a very profound day. While I cleaned the fridge, I had on the Nia routine I am going to learn next. I love the music, it has the sound of the Native Americans, is very primal while also being upbeat and often fast-paced. As I watched the video, I saw many of my friends on the current Nia Trainer Faculty. It was my dream for 13 years to be a Nia Trainer and teach people to teach Nia. A little over a year ago, I had this awareness that I didn't want to do this, my "life's dream". I had no idea where this came from, it just showed up and everything surrounding me was supporting that it was not the path for me. So, I consulted with a few trusted people in my life; one very much in Nia, one who used to be very entrenched in the Nia world and is not at all now, and one who has never even done Nia. I wanted insight and mirroring for what I was seeing, feeling & sensing in my body. I simply needed and wanted support and love, not anyone to tell me what I should do, that was my decision and I know that any decision I make, it is important for me to call on the people in my life to assist me in seeing clearly, as to not fool myself and/or make a giant misguided mistake.
As I watched the video, I had no pangs of wishing I had been there. No pangs of wanting to be immersed in that world. For u see, Nia was my box. My cocoon encasing my butterfly, if u will. Being a trainer was my box. It was my story I had held sacred for so long. Now, it no longer fit, even more so now. Saying that The changes I have made in the last year are great in a gross understatement. The changes I have made r profound and they resonate on a profound level within me. I really am a different person, I feel and know it in my bones and in my soul and have it mirrored back to me in many ways every day.
I'm about to embark on rolling out a "new piece of work for me". I also had more come to me today about what I will include and what I will not while cleaning, watching and listening to the video. It is A playshop integrating Feminine Power, Movement and Embodiment. It is a big step AND it is just the first step on whatever is coming next for me. I just sense and know (even more so today, in an unexplainable way), that even more is going to shift, change, transform and grow. The level at which I am being invited to do work within myself is profound, big and unimaginable...even more so last year, not even a glimpse of it, and yet here I stand. It takes everything in me to focus and allow and do my work as to keep moving forward as I am intended to be doing.
Now, realize, this decision last year was the exact opposite of comfortable for me. It was a leap of faith in pretty much every sense of the word AND it was necessary for my next piece. I didn't consciously know this then, I have always known that everything into my life led into everything else, but had no idea where I was going, I just trusted that this was my way...
How many times have u stopped urself from doing something because it was uncomfortable? U didn't go to the gym because u didn't have time with all of the other busyness u had going on? U didn't really examine where ur piece in a misunderstanding was? U didn't listen to a gut feeling because to put it into play with whatever it was regarding, would be really messy and uncomfortable, for u, for others, for many?
If I hadn't listened to myself and my body, I would not be entering a new phase for me. I wouldn't have the amazing tribe I have around me now. I wouldn't be growing in leaps and bounds in every way imaginable. Listen to u. Take care of u. Be YOU! The "uncomfortable" path might seem uncomfortable now, but just think what it will be like in a few years when your SOUL is extremely uncomfortable with where u ARE...all because u wanted to be comfortable and really, it created even less because u stopped urself.
Listen to ur knowing. Listen to ur body. Honor every part of u, even and especially if u have no idea what and where it is coming from. YOU really know...
So, as I sit here with mellow music on and candles burning all around me, I reflect back on what was so profound about today. As it is with the profound, it is challenging to put into words. It is a feeling, a knowing, a sensation in my body. I will do my best:
It was a very productive day; I scoured my refrigerator (which I cannot remember the last time I did that, felt really good), baked all morning (peanut butter bites made w chick peas, PB, honey and raisins-quite tasty actually! And gluten free, egg free bread, yum), vacuumed my house, washed my sheets & comforter, etc. it was a productive day!
It was also a very profound day. While I cleaned the fridge, I had on the Nia routine I am going to learn next. I love the music, it has the sound of the Native Americans, is very primal while also being upbeat and often fast-paced. As I watched the video, I saw many of my friends on the current Nia Trainer Faculty. It was my dream for 13 years to be a Nia Trainer and teach people to teach Nia. A little over a year ago, I had this awareness that I didn't want to do this, my "life's dream". I had no idea where this came from, it just showed up and everything surrounding me was supporting that it was not the path for me. So, I consulted with a few trusted people in my life; one very much in Nia, one who used to be very entrenched in the Nia world and is not at all now, and one who has never even done Nia. I wanted insight and mirroring for what I was seeing, feeling & sensing in my body. I simply needed and wanted support and love, not anyone to tell me what I should do, that was my decision and I know that any decision I make, it is important for me to call on the people in my life to assist me in seeing clearly, as to not fool myself and/or make a giant misguided mistake.
As I watched the video, I had no pangs of wishing I had been there. No pangs of wanting to be immersed in that world. For u see, Nia was my box. My cocoon encasing my butterfly, if u will. Being a trainer was my box. It was my story I had held sacred for so long. Now, it no longer fit, even more so now. Saying that The changes I have made in the last year are great in a gross understatement. The changes I have made r profound and they resonate on a profound level within me. I really am a different person, I feel and know it in my bones and in my soul and have it mirrored back to me in many ways every day.
I'm about to embark on rolling out a "new piece of work for me". I also had more come to me today about what I will include and what I will not while cleaning, watching and listening to the video. It is A playshop integrating Feminine Power, Movement and Embodiment. It is a big step AND it is just the first step on whatever is coming next for me. I just sense and know (even more so today, in an unexplainable way), that even more is going to shift, change, transform and grow. The level at which I am being invited to do work within myself is profound, big and unimaginable...even more so last year, not even a glimpse of it, and yet here I stand. It takes everything in me to focus and allow and do my work as to keep moving forward as I am intended to be doing.
Now, realize, this decision last year was the exact opposite of comfortable for me. It was a leap of faith in pretty much every sense of the word AND it was necessary for my next piece. I didn't consciously know this then, I have always known that everything into my life led into everything else, but had no idea where I was going, I just trusted that this was my way...
How many times have u stopped urself from doing something because it was uncomfortable? U didn't go to the gym because u didn't have time with all of the other busyness u had going on? U didn't really examine where ur piece in a misunderstanding was? U didn't listen to a gut feeling because to put it into play with whatever it was regarding, would be really messy and uncomfortable, for u, for others, for many?
If I hadn't listened to myself and my body, I would not be entering a new phase for me. I wouldn't have the amazing tribe I have around me now. I wouldn't be growing in leaps and bounds in every way imaginable. Listen to u. Take care of u. Be YOU! The "uncomfortable" path might seem uncomfortable now, but just think what it will be like in a few years when your SOUL is extremely uncomfortable with where u ARE...all because u wanted to be comfortable and really, it created even less because u stopped urself.
Listen to ur knowing. Listen to ur body. Honor every part of u, even and especially if u have no idea what and where it is coming from. YOU really know...
Sunday, September 8, 2013
She loved life and it loved her right back!
"She loved life and it loved her right back!"
I love that saying! Have u ever noticed that when u r in a great mood, making eye contact, smiling and saying hi to everyone u see, everything in life seems just a little easier and more magical? When we exude love and happy, everyone and everything is attracted to us.
When we go thru our lives in this space, we are asking the Universe to love us back, even if we don't know it. People want to give when we are in this space, it's extremely attractive, period. It's a space of the feminine, allowing, loving, acceptance and gratitude and everyone feels safe around this and wants to be a part of what u have! Everyone and everything is attracted to it.
It's just like Fishing-do u just stick a pole out there at the fish? No! U hang out and attract them. They r attracted to the shiny object. U r being a shiny object and energy (people, things, situations...) can't help but be attracted!
Now see, the problem is that many of us live in the opposite space. We live in fear, scarcity, roadblocks, and lost in our heads and thoughts, never being fully present and open for life to love us right back.
The flow is going to STOP if u r in FEAR!!!! So let go of it!
When we r in fear, everything is contracted. We have pain and tension in our bodies, feelings of lack and defeat and thoughts of how we can't _______________ (fill in the blank with your choice of what u tell urself)!
I invite u to try it on. Shift ur feeling to one of love and gratitude and abundance; knowing and trusting and loving as ur go to place u live from, instead of the default drama space u revert to automatically. Notice how ur body is. Notice how all of ur feelings shift and change and u r much more able to be present and right here, right now, instead of always lost in the thinking thinking thinking distraction that is such a habit for so many of us.
It's just like working out, the more u do it and the more u practice, the stronger u get and the better u r at it!
So flex ur love, allowance, surrender, gratitude and receptivity muscles! Just like the physical muscles, u will reap big benefits from the commitment to urself! Now, stay w it and just notice how when u love life, it loves u right back!
I love that saying! Have u ever noticed that when u r in a great mood, making eye contact, smiling and saying hi to everyone u see, everything in life seems just a little easier and more magical? When we exude love and happy, everyone and everything is attracted to us.
When we go thru our lives in this space, we are asking the Universe to love us back, even if we don't know it. People want to give when we are in this space, it's extremely attractive, period. It's a space of the feminine, allowing, loving, acceptance and gratitude and everyone feels safe around this and wants to be a part of what u have! Everyone and everything is attracted to it.
It's just like Fishing-do u just stick a pole out there at the fish? No! U hang out and attract them. They r attracted to the shiny object. U r being a shiny object and energy (people, things, situations...) can't help but be attracted!
Now see, the problem is that many of us live in the opposite space. We live in fear, scarcity, roadblocks, and lost in our heads and thoughts, never being fully present and open for life to love us right back.
The flow is going to STOP if u r in FEAR!!!! So let go of it!
When we r in fear, everything is contracted. We have pain and tension in our bodies, feelings of lack and defeat and thoughts of how we can't _______________ (fill in the blank with your choice of what u tell urself)!
I invite u to try it on. Shift ur feeling to one of love and gratitude and abundance; knowing and trusting and loving as ur go to place u live from, instead of the default drama space u revert to automatically. Notice how ur body is. Notice how all of ur feelings shift and change and u r much more able to be present and right here, right now, instead of always lost in the thinking thinking thinking distraction that is such a habit for so many of us.
It's just like working out, the more u do it and the more u practice, the stronger u get and the better u r at it!
So flex ur love, allowance, surrender, gratitude and receptivity muscles! Just like the physical muscles, u will reap big benefits from the commitment to urself! Now, stay w it and just notice how when u love life, it loves u right back!
Monday, September 2, 2013
Surrender is an interesting thing
Surrender is an interesting thing.
Since my Bella died, I have been sitting in this absolute fear because of money and how I can pay my bills, all of them. I am 2 mortgages behind, hundreds in bills, credit cards and have so much around my home that I want to do. I didn't spend that much on B, since we didn't do surgery or chemotherapy for extended periods, it was all spent on healings (for both of us actually), herbs, second opinions and other options searching, an animal communicator and a very expensive holistic vet. It was only around $1000, not that much in the grand scheme of things, and very necessary for this profound experience and process my Baby Girl and I just passed thru, but it seemed to throw me into an absolute complete tailspin financially.
I was in this place of absolute and complete on my knees terror and then I shifted into, "ok, so what if I lose my house? I love my house and my Angel and her memories r here and in her backyard, but it's ok, I will survive, she will go w me, her memories will come to me whenever I choose them to. So maybe I have to file bankruptcy, ok, so I start over again, fine, I've done it once, I can do it again, so be it. If this is how it is supposed to be, then so be it. "
This whole on my knees surrender to "ok, so I lose my home and start over again" took me to questioning pretty much everything I think I know. What is love? What do I really want in my life? What do I know? What if everything I know is BS & not real? Why do I struggle financially and feel like I have to do it myself and have some idea of what it's supposed to look like and how I create my dreams and call abundance into my life? What if the idea of what I want in my primary relationship is bullshit and THAT is really some old program that has been put on me and I don't even know it? What if the answers to everything I want in my life r right in front of me and I am being too stubborn (uh, again, never denied I can be stubborn, AND that's an old program my dad gave me) and holding onto what I think SHOULD be?! There r no shoulds, right?! Why do I feel like I have to create my life and my business and my abundance (financially) the hard way and by working my butt off? What if everything I think I know, I really don't. I'm completely open and willing to learn. In fact, I was just remembering this week that on New Year's Eve, the Angel Card I drew was "willingness". This year has been true to that, I have had more unexpected everything show up than one could possibly imagine!
So meanwhile, I had a client purchase a pkg for 15 sessions. I kept watching and watching for it to drop into my account. It never did. I waited for a week, it never did. I mentioned it to her and she researched it. Her statement said it went thru. SO! All of my credit card payments that go thru my website go thru PayPal. Even if ppl just use a credit card and don't use a PayPal account, it still goes thru PayPal. So, I look at this confirmation email that I got saying her payment went thru. I got their number and called them. I FIND OUT that I have a PayPal account. I had no idea I had a PayPal account! I had $5769 in that account! What?! So, come to find out, for the last year, every payment made on my website has gone to this account. What!? I never itemize all of of my deposits, I just thought they were going into my account, as I thought we had set up, and I simply always know how much I have by only using cash or debit and mobile banking to check my balance. Ha! Well, needless to say, I started breathing and called almost everyone I know! Everyone I know who loves me and has supported me in so many ways. I can now pay my mortgage up to date as well as all of my bills and probably even pay off a credit card, the balances
r not very high. Breathing. Took myself to Glenwood Springs for the night (still finagled a SMOKIN deal on the room, heehee), had the dinner I wanted, bought myself some nicer sunglasses, all without mortal fear and/or guilt. You have to understand how different this is for me in comparison to the last 4 months, I didn't spend anything except on Bella and was completely focused on her and us, because I never knew what I was going to need to do next, or how long we were going to be doing it. I was even worse after, for this last month. So, inhale exhale, surrender, expansion.
NOW, the lesson in this: absolute and complete and total surrender to the Divine and what is and not just me controlling it and thinking I have the answers, or even know what it should look like is the only way. In the last week, I literally questioned EVERYTHING. Especially what I want in my life and thinking that I know what I want in love, or even what love is. I haven't really known what love is for much of my life. My mother died when I was very young and my father went into complete shutdown. My Bella taught me what love really is. She is my example and my greatest teacher. I have had the realization that she taught me what my mother was supposed to teach me and that she created this process of her leaving me to get me to this place. To love myself as I loved her, to trust, even bigger-what surrender really is, what love is, how much of it I really have in my life, what I have right next to me that I am not acknowledging, how much unconditional love I have around and supporting me from all directions.
I had been DEATHLY terrified of losing Bella since I got her, from second one, I loved her so much. Maybe it's because on my soul level, I knew that the greatest lesson of my life would be involved and I would die to so many things. I am cellularly changed. I understand life, life and death, love, surrender, everything, so much more and differently. Before it was a concept that we r all going to die and I have to live my life. Now, I understand it so much differently. I have to live my life, for ME, not anyone else and how I want it, not for anyone else's ideas or things they tell me it should look like. What is REALLY true for me and what am I resisting simply to be RIGHT and for what anybody/thing has told me?!
Where r u resisting within yourself? What r u holding onto in your body? What's stopping u? Do u have any old ideas about anything in your life that r holding u back? Feel into it, ask yourself, ask your body. How can I help and support you? Take excellent care of u, u r the only u u have!
Since my Bella died, I have been sitting in this absolute fear because of money and how I can pay my bills, all of them. I am 2 mortgages behind, hundreds in bills, credit cards and have so much around my home that I want to do. I didn't spend that much on B, since we didn't do surgery or chemotherapy for extended periods, it was all spent on healings (for both of us actually), herbs, second opinions and other options searching, an animal communicator and a very expensive holistic vet. It was only around $1000, not that much in the grand scheme of things, and very necessary for this profound experience and process my Baby Girl and I just passed thru, but it seemed to throw me into an absolute complete tailspin financially.
I was in this place of absolute and complete on my knees terror and then I shifted into, "ok, so what if I lose my house? I love my house and my Angel and her memories r here and in her backyard, but it's ok, I will survive, she will go w me, her memories will come to me whenever I choose them to. So maybe I have to file bankruptcy, ok, so I start over again, fine, I've done it once, I can do it again, so be it. If this is how it is supposed to be, then so be it. "
This whole on my knees surrender to "ok, so I lose my home and start over again" took me to questioning pretty much everything I think I know. What is love? What do I really want in my life? What do I know? What if everything I know is BS & not real? Why do I struggle financially and feel like I have to do it myself and have some idea of what it's supposed to look like and how I create my dreams and call abundance into my life? What if the idea of what I want in my primary relationship is bullshit and THAT is really some old program that has been put on me and I don't even know it? What if the answers to everything I want in my life r right in front of me and I am being too stubborn (uh, again, never denied I can be stubborn, AND that's an old program my dad gave me) and holding onto what I think SHOULD be?! There r no shoulds, right?! Why do I feel like I have to create my life and my business and my abundance (financially) the hard way and by working my butt off? What if everything I think I know, I really don't. I'm completely open and willing to learn. In fact, I was just remembering this week that on New Year's Eve, the Angel Card I drew was "willingness". This year has been true to that, I have had more unexpected everything show up than one could possibly imagine!
So meanwhile, I had a client purchase a pkg for 15 sessions. I kept watching and watching for it to drop into my account. It never did. I waited for a week, it never did. I mentioned it to her and she researched it. Her statement said it went thru. SO! All of my credit card payments that go thru my website go thru PayPal. Even if ppl just use a credit card and don't use a PayPal account, it still goes thru PayPal. So, I look at this confirmation email that I got saying her payment went thru. I got their number and called them. I FIND OUT that I have a PayPal account. I had no idea I had a PayPal account! I had $5769 in that account! What?! So, come to find out, for the last year, every payment made on my website has gone to this account. What!? I never itemize all of of my deposits, I just thought they were going into my account, as I thought we had set up, and I simply always know how much I have by only using cash or debit and mobile banking to check my balance. Ha! Well, needless to say, I started breathing and called almost everyone I know! Everyone I know who loves me and has supported me in so many ways. I can now pay my mortgage up to date as well as all of my bills and probably even pay off a credit card, the balances
r not very high. Breathing. Took myself to Glenwood Springs for the night (still finagled a SMOKIN deal on the room, heehee), had the dinner I wanted, bought myself some nicer sunglasses, all without mortal fear and/or guilt. You have to understand how different this is for me in comparison to the last 4 months, I didn't spend anything except on Bella and was completely focused on her and us, because I never knew what I was going to need to do next, or how long we were going to be doing it. I was even worse after, for this last month. So, inhale exhale, surrender, expansion.
NOW, the lesson in this: absolute and complete and total surrender to the Divine and what is and not just me controlling it and thinking I have the answers, or even know what it should look like is the only way. In the last week, I literally questioned EVERYTHING. Especially what I want in my life and thinking that I know what I want in love, or even what love is. I haven't really known what love is for much of my life. My mother died when I was very young and my father went into complete shutdown. My Bella taught me what love really is. She is my example and my greatest teacher. I have had the realization that she taught me what my mother was supposed to teach me and that she created this process of her leaving me to get me to this place. To love myself as I loved her, to trust, even bigger-what surrender really is, what love is, how much of it I really have in my life, what I have right next to me that I am not acknowledging, how much unconditional love I have around and supporting me from all directions.
I had been DEATHLY terrified of losing Bella since I got her, from second one, I loved her so much. Maybe it's because on my soul level, I knew that the greatest lesson of my life would be involved and I would die to so many things. I am cellularly changed. I understand life, life and death, love, surrender, everything, so much more and differently. Before it was a concept that we r all going to die and I have to live my life. Now, I understand it so much differently. I have to live my life, for ME, not anyone else and how I want it, not for anyone else's ideas or things they tell me it should look like. What is REALLY true for me and what am I resisting simply to be RIGHT and for what anybody/thing has told me?!
Where r u resisting within yourself? What r u holding onto in your body? What's stopping u? Do u have any old ideas about anything in your life that r holding u back? Feel into it, ask yourself, ask your body. How can I help and support you? Take excellent care of u, u r the only u u have!
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