3 weeks ago, I started considering selling my house. Within days, I decided to do it. It made sense in absolutely every way: the market is crazy hot and it would sell at a huge profit for me in a matter of days (which it did), I could use that money to have breathing room and to invest in myself and my business, bringing me even more money in the long run, I could invest a hug chunk of it and grow it even more then buy back in within a few years, I couldn't afford to do all of the things I want to do and that really need to be done to my house...on and on. There's just one problem: I absolutely love my house and my yard and I am extremely attached to it.
To say the last few weeks have been emotionally tumultuous is perhaps an understatement. This letting go process has been extremely difficult. You see, I have never had any real stability in my life. My life has been a very long series of having to let go, and not little things, of big things...my mother before I was 10, living in 5 different houses before graduating from high school, the money I inherited from my grandfather upon starting college, the sweet sweet boyfriend I had in my 20s and who was possibly my only stability in my life (but I knew I just wasn't supposed to be with), the rest of the money I inherited from my grandfather upon his wife's death during my marriage, letting go of the house in California that I loved, my marriage, my job giving that i me stability here in Colorado, my Bella, and now, I'm voluntarily letting go of my house here...the only place I know I belong and that absolutely belongs to me...it seems that my life in all ways has absolutely been a process of unbecoming and it having significance on
Of course, all of these letting gos all eventually led to another piece for me, another evolution, another path into something else...AND this one is excruciating for me. I absolutely feel like I am being ripped part on the inside. Of course, when the decision was made, I took action, I had some repairs done that needed to be done, I took to cleaning then completely detailing my house while it was completely torn up with the workers there, then we got It listed, then we had to decide on which offer to accept...all the while, I was torn at the knowing that I was consciously choosing to let go of my beloved house, even if it absolutely makes absolute rational sense...the decision is ripping me up inside. My body, heart and mind are absolutely exhausted and my body feels completely off kilter.
AND I choose it. I choose growth, I choose more, I choose my next step, over and over and over...it's the only way...for me, it is the only way for my life, myself and my body...
For everyBody, it is the only way to move into what YOU want, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It is the only way for growth and change and stepping into what's next and moving into what's next for you. Many people don't choose it. It's all a choice, how badly do u want it?
Life moves as u move!!!
