R.A.W.

This week has been such a learning, teaching, challenging week for me. I found myself challenging even the very foundation of everything I do, everything I am and everything I think I know.

With all that I have been destroying and uncreating in my life (within myself), I have been asking lots of questions: What else is possible? What if none of anything looks the way I think it looks at all? How can my playshop contribute to herself? What does she want? How can my work contribute to my money flows (rather than me having to work my butt off to contribute to my work)? Why do I keep doing this one habit that continually trips me up and I can never seem to shift it? Lots of dropping in. Lots of questioning.

Feeling ready to just give up, having a very unstable client go off on me with a lot of untruths, feeling hopeless, feeling disappointed in myself for being this late person I've been all of my life and it gets me nowhere and is actually detrimental, looking at relationships and what is real and what is not, feeling completely raw and open to whatever...able to not judge myself with some of it, judging myself with some of it.

It's times like these when I rely so heavily on my support system. I could not do any of this without those amazing people in my life. They believe in me when I don't even believe in me. They tell me I rock and I believe them and find it within myself. They inspire me to keep working on and with the things I want to change. They show me other options and introduce other ideas and possibilities. The make it possible for me to move ahead, in every way.

So I forge on. Being completely human, screwing up a lot, being amazing a lot, doing my best and intending and/or working on changing all of the old stuff that doesn't serve me and actually hurts me. Continually questioning and continuing to ask for what I want to create to replace what I've cleared out of my space. That's all I can do, that's all any of us can do...that's what we are here to do, and hopefully we create more ease and joy within our lives and within other people's lives with just knowing we are all here, doing the best we can and loving each other through all of it...if I have ever disappointed you in any way, I deeply regret it. Please know its not my intention...and please always let me know...we are all here to love and help each other, in every way.