Life without my Bella

I had a client cancel on me this morning. I decided to use the time to sit in my backyard (instead of being busy around my house filling up the time picking up, as I normally do), be quiet and work on my focus and goals for my life, my blog, and creating space for whatever grandness is coming my way that I don't have an idea of. So I sit in contemplation and solace, with my water feature on, enjoying and loving being in my own sanctuary and piece of nature away from everything. I would love to take off and go be in the mountains, away from everything, for a weekend or a week, but I cannot do that right now, so I am being with and loving what I have in my life and with me right now. My fountain gives me the sound of running water, so I have the sound effects, and everyone can connect with Mother Nature, where ever they happen to be at that second. Be right here, right now.

You see, my Bella Angel Girl and I lost our fight with cancer almost 3 weeks ago.   She was such a big part of me and my life, and now I am left with finding my way and building the rest of my life without her.   For the last 4 months, I was her caretaker and we spent every second that was at all possible together.  I took her with me any place that it was at all possible: she went to my studio many many times, she went to outside meetings with me, we walked our favorite trail in the mountains together until she just stopped one day on our way up to the higher elevations and flat out told me she couldn't do it, I laid w her on the floor-loving her and praying for healing as I had the 3 other times her life was threatened and we beat it.   For anyone who didn't know my Bella, she was a lover and a fighter.  She was a so sweet, beautiful, strong, amazing being who loved loved loved everyone she met.  She was about as close to a reflection of me in a dog body as there could possibly be.   I really couldn't imagine me and my life without her.   So, she gave me lots of notice, to make sure we were ready, both of us, but mainly me.  We were both so tired by the end.

This process has been such a huge journey for me:  I started it holding on tighter than I ever have before.   I began to understand surrender, I integrated a big understanding of surrender into my body and being.  I came to understand where the balance of surrender and Fighting w every ounce of Momma Bear and Love I have, is.   I finally experienced being able to be with the thing that absolutely terrified me.  I let go.   I am learning how to integrate still feeling her beautiful spirit and letting go of the sadness of not having her body with me.

So, here I sit, in our backyard that she loved so so much, with my boy dog wandering around, helping me so much just with his presence, moving on with creating my life.  What were my big dreams before I started this?  Where was I going?  Who am I without my B here in physical form with me?   I must choose to find out, to remember.  She wouldn't want me to just sit and be sad and lost.  She knew I am amazing and she wanted me to love me as much as I loved her.   So, I am moving forward.  I can see her with me.  I feel her.  Along with my tears, my heart is so happy and thankful and expanded when I look at her pictures including the so sweet photo shoot we did weeks before she died.   I am finding and recreating me and my life from this pivotal point forward.

So, I'm back. You will hear from me more. :). I hope to see all of you more! The Dance continues and I look forward to all of you being my partners in this divine piece we are creating. Much love...

Gratitude Beyond Gratitude in My Life

My message today:

Sometimes I turn on the Joel Osteen Service on Sunday mornings. Sometimes he is speaking right directly to me, sometimes it's just a nice reminder or lovely positive message for me.

Today he was speaking right directly at me. His bottom line today was "Seek God in everything in your life. Say thank you for everything in your life, even, and especially, the mundane. If you seek God and stay in Gratitude, many many blessings will come to u, far greater then u can imagine or make happen by yourself."

I have decided this week to let go of a very toxic situation in my life. I have been holding on to this situation for many, many, many reasons (some of which I don't even realize consciously), not the smallest being that I make $1200/mo from this situation. This past week, I decided no more. I am trusting, asking for and open to receiving whatever shows up now to help me. I fully know that whatever shows up will not look like anything I can come up with or create all on my own, I'm going to need many things I have no control over to happen.

I also know I need to be thankful for what I do have in my life, and I have a lot. So so so many things have transpired for me to let me get to where I am now. So many people have come into my life in a BEYOND random way that has helped me get where I am today. I have much bigger dreams and aspirations and know I am on the road to much bigger things than I could have EVER have let myself imagine or even begin to step into doing and being even a year ago.

On the very same day, I found out that my Bella's cancer was making an appearance in her sweet little body again. Since then we have been on a healing mission. I now know that we have months, probably many months, instead of the days or weeks that I had feared and my vet had thought due to the pain she was in that day. She is now and Rollin along again, and I have been reminded ONCE AGAIN, that we are given gifts in our lives, and we need to be grateful for them, not take them for granted, in any way, shape or form.

So his message spoke directly to me: Seek God, Be in gratitude for everything, ASK for and RECEIVE miracles and profound, unbelieveable happenings in my life, ALLOW them to show up, to KNOW that things I can't even imagine will show up if I trust Spirit that will not evolve and happen if I go into fear in any way...to Stay in Love, because Love and connection and trust and being grateful for my Life, is really all there really is.

Fulfilled or Comfortable?

We live in a society that Is dedicated to our comfort , whether it is fulfilling or not. NOW, Consider the possibility that the Universe, God, Goddess, Your Higher Self, whatever You call it, is dedicated to your fulfillment, whether it's comfortable or not.

Think about that. How often has it happened that you fulfilled a dream, built a marriage, changed your body, created a business or anything else in your life that u really really wanted and that gave u the biggest happiness, depth and growth in your life and it was really really easy? If ever, then GOOD FOR YOU! You were completely ready for it, in so many ways. However, do we ever truly know what happened previously, internally or in life circumstances, to get us really ready for it? How do we know that the last big, hard challenge in our life wasn't what created the opportunity for that particular thing to be so incredibly easy?

I'm in yet another situation, well, several, that require a very challenging practice for me: patience, allowing, letting it be and unfold as it will, not as I want it to. I know it's unfolding, I know it will be beautiful, still challenging, still work but EVERYTHING I am being asked to wait and hold space for will be worth it. Whether it be relationship, body, current business, future business and new aspect of work that I am creating and growing into, this is all big, big stuff for me, now and in the bigger scope of my life. It's not exactly comfortable, but I LOVE the challenge and the growth and potential that is being created, germinated and fulfilled within my body, soul and being.

When have you let the discomfort stop you? When have you taken the easy way out? Have you regretted it and known that it could have been so much more? Have you felt like there was so much more to it and you owe it to yourself to follow that knowing and follow it thru? Then go there! Don't cheat yourself! Get everything that you can possibly get for yourself! Do it, take the first or the last step...where ever you are on the journey...and ALLOW your knowing, your body, your very being, to be your guide.

Butterfly...transformation

Butterfly...transformation...the butterfly goes thru 4 stages, the egg, the caterpillar, the larvae and the beautiful end result...the butterfly..birth the process, gather gather gather, ingest and digest information and knowledge, integrate it and come out on the other side something completely different...Transformation...the beautiful butterfly.

These r the steps to making any change in your life: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual.

Think about what has gone into Any change you have made in your life that has lasted. You had the idea. You gained the momentum. You researched and gathered facts, knowledge and information. You integrated and did whatever u needed to do to make the change and create the shift within yourself. You came out of the other side, Transformed!

No matter what your change, no matter what your own personal process and road to getting there, no matter what it took-months or days or minutes-the way to lasting change and Transformation are the same...noticing, making a change, making a decision, never looking back!

Take charge of your life. Take charge of your body. I choose. I decide.

transforming yourself into a strategic warrior in daily life

In Creating business or simply navigating daily life and all of it's challenges, "One of the 6 fundamental ideas you should aim for in transforming yourself into a strategic warrior in daily life:  worship Athena, not Ares. Athena was deemed by the Greeks to be the goddess of strategic warfare. Ares was the God of war in its direct and brutal form. The Greeks despised Ares and worshiped Athena, who always fought with the most intelligence and subtlety. Your interest in war is not the violence, the brutality, the waste of lives and resources, but the rationality and pragmatism it forces on us and the ideal of winning without bloodshed. The Ares figures of the world are actually quite stupid and easily misled. Using the wisdom of Athena, your goal is to turn the violence and aggression of such types against them, making their brutality the cause of their downfall. Like Athena, you are always one step ahead, making your moves more indirect. Your goal is to blend philosophy and war, wisdom in battle, into an unbeatable blend."-The 33 Strategies of War.

How cool is that?! Adds a whole different understanding to Feminine power, doesn't it?!  What does it mean to YOU?  “transforming yourself into a strategic warrior in daily life” fascinating.  come from strategy, asking, understanding, love, softness and flowing with what is to get what I want instead of forcing what I THINK it should be.  Taking down the opponent thru being centered and coming from your Hara and Love, rather than brute force...the Aikido Martial Arts aspect of Nia rather than the Taekwondo.  The people who function from this brutal place only are easily misled and do no actually function with the world and what is, but against it. “Using the wisdom of Athena, your goal is to turn the violence and aggression of such types against them, making their brutality the cause of their downfall. Like Athena, you are always one step ahead, making your moves more indirect. Your goal is to blend philosophy and war, wisdom in battle, into an unbeatable blend."  TOTALLY Aikido in Nia:  Spherical, centered, harmonious motion. Coming from the Yin, not Always the Yang.  As in Movement and Nia, all aspects must be balanced and welcomed, worked with-not against, that will simply cause imbalance, weakness and missed opportuities for growth and strength.

How do you conduct YOUR Life?  Do you come from balance or from one extreme or the other?  How do you take care of YOUR body, coming from Love to heal and change it or from Punishment and force?  Nothing will ever truly change and have lasting change if it is forced to do it...Choice, Asking, Receiving, Creating...

I knew it! Thank u for the confirmation!!

I knew it! Thank u for the confirmation!!

Every so often on a Sunday morning, I will happen upon a Joel Osteen broadcast. I did that this morning and what he was sharing stopped me dead in my tracks. Literally.

He was telling a story about a certain type of bamboo plant where the roots grow and flourish underground for 4 years and the plant doesn't really grow, at least nothing really appears to be happening. However, at the end of 4 years, the plant blooms and fast and is unbelievable in its growth!

He also told a biblical story about a woman who was gathering scraps and leftovers from a grain field/farm. The owner of the farm noticed her. He asked his workers to start leaving her grain to make it easy for her. They met and fell in love. She became his wife and thus became owner of the farm she had been gleaning scraps from. The lesson is that when u do your work, when you really do your work, your homework, whatever it takes, God will reward u with things BEYOND your imagination. People show up, often just one person shows up to help u get where u r going...situations are created...situations, projects, ideas, etc. that you have been working on manifest and manifest in ways that YOU never imagined possible.

I was laid off 4 years ago March 1st. 3/1/2009. I have been finding and creating real direction and focus in my business and in my life. I have been learning to navigate connections and relationships and networking. I have been learning what true, real personal power is then living and owning it in my life. I have been figuring out and creating my brand. I have been really owning and living what works for ME, TRULY JUST ME with eating and movement. I have been telling people, "Last year was about building relationships and connections. (the people who showed and, and I mean RANDOMLY AND OUT OF NOWHERE, as in running across parking lots to meet me because they had been manifesting meeting me and a maintenance man looking man happening to walk into the studio I was teaching and adopt me and completely help me in every way financially-including giving me a studio!). This year is about creating and doing whatever it takes to create my life and my brand and my business and the connection with my future business. Next year, it is just going to rock and roll and create, manifest and actualize! Woohoo!

Me happening upon Joel Osteen this morning was God/the Universe, whatever your word is, telling me I am right. This is exactly what is happening and I know it and I am right and on the right track and path. I love life.

Love your body. Love yourSelf. Love your life. Why do anything else? What good does that possibly do u?!

Are you willing to do whatever is needed to create what you want in your life?

My theme word for the year, as it came up New Year's Eve was WILLINGNESS.  What do I know?  Take it as it comes, flow with it, create within and with it, love, live, show up to the best of my ability, right here, right now.  Willingness, whatever it takes.

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to have the life you want to live?  To have the body you want to have?  To have the friendships you want to have, the primary relationship you want?  To create the work situation you desire?  Can you let go of your ideas and your control enough to allow things to actualize in your life?  If we hold on too tightly, we will choke any possibility of great things that we do not expect happening!  Often when I think I know something for sure, I am surprised.  It is put in my face over and over, what do I know?

When I am vulnerable and I take a chance... When I make a choice that empowers me and takes me closer, in some way, to what I am asking for in my life...when I let go and do my part to create what I want but I get out of the way and simply allow it to happen by staying focused and willing instead of trying to control and direct exactly what I think should happen, surprising and wonderful things/changes/results show up!

What are you keeping out of your life, Physically, Mentally, Emotionally or Spiritually?  What can you let go of that is keeping it out?  What can you invite in and ask for that will allow it to change?  Ask yourself, "Am I truly willing, truly willing to do what it takes to create what I truly want in my life, all ways, always?"