She loved life and it loved her right back!

"She loved life and it loved her right back!"

I love that saying!  Have u ever noticed that when u r in a great mood, making eye contact,  smiling and saying hi to everyone u see, everything in life seems just a little easier and more magical?  When we exude love and happy, everyone and everything is attracted to us. 

When we go thru our lives in this space, we are asking the Universe to love us back, even if we don't know it.  People want to give when we are in this space, it's extremely attractive, period.  It's a space of the feminine, allowing, loving, acceptance and gratitude and everyone feels safe around this and wants to be a part of what u have!  Everyone and everything is attracted to it.

It's just like Fishing-do u just stick a pole out there at the fish?  No!  U hang out and attract them.  They r attracted to the shiny object.  U r being a shiny object and energy (people, things, situations...) can't help but be attracted! 

Now see, the problem is that many of us live in the opposite space.  We live in fear, scarcity, roadblocks, and lost in our heads and thoughts, never being fully present and open for life to love us right back.

The flow is going to STOP if u r in FEAR!!!!  So let go of it!

When we r in fear, everything is contracted.  We have pain and tension in our bodies, feelings of lack and defeat and thoughts of how we can't _______________ (fill in the blank with your choice of what u tell urself)!

I invite u to try it on.  Shift ur feeling to one of love and gratitude and abundance; knowing and trusting and loving as ur go to place u live from, instead of the default drama space u revert to automatically.  Notice how ur body is.  Notice how all of ur feelings shift and change and u r much more able to be present and right here, right now, instead of always lost in the thinking thinking thinking distraction that is such a habit for so many of us.

It's just like working out, the more u do it and the more u practice, the stronger u get and the better u r at it!

So flex ur love, allowance, surrender, gratitude and receptivity muscles!  Just like the physical muscles, u will reap big benefits from the commitment to urself!  Now, stay w it and just notice how when u love life, it loves u right back!

Surrender is an interesting thing

Surrender is an interesting thing.

Since my Bella died, I have been sitting in this absolute fear because of money and how I can pay my bills, all of them. I am 2 mortgages behind, hundreds in bills, credit cards and have so much around my home that I want to do. I didn't spend that much on B, since we didn't do surgery or chemotherapy for extended periods, it was all spent on healings (for both of us actually), herbs, second opinions and other options searching, an animal communicator and a very expensive holistic vet. It was only around $1000, not that much in the grand scheme of things, and very necessary for this profound experience and process my Baby Girl and I just passed thru, but it seemed to throw me into an absolute complete tailspin financially.

I was in this place of absolute and complete on my knees terror and then I shifted into, "ok, so what if I lose my house? I love my house and my Angel and her memories r here and in her backyard, but it's ok, I will survive, she will go w me, her memories will come to me whenever I choose them to. So maybe I have to file bankruptcy, ok, so I start over again, fine, I've done it once, I can do it again, so be it. If this is how it is supposed to be, then so be it. "

This whole on my knees surrender to "ok, so I lose my home and start over again" took me to questioning pretty much everything I think I know. What is love? What do I really want in my life? What do I know? What if everything I know is BS & not real? Why do I struggle financially and feel like I have to do it myself and have some idea of what it's supposed to look like and how I create my dreams and call abundance into my life? What if the idea of what I want in my primary relationship is bullshit and THAT is really some old program that has been put on me and I don't even know it? What if the answers to everything I want in my life r right in front of me and I am being too stubborn (uh, again, never denied I can be stubborn, AND that's an old program my dad gave me) and holding onto what I think SHOULD be?! There r no shoulds, right?! Why do I feel like I have to create my life and my business and my abundance (financially) the hard way and by working my butt off? What if everything I think I know, I really don't. I'm completely open and willing to learn. In fact, I was just remembering this week that on New Year's Eve, the Angel Card I drew was "willingness". This year has been true to that, I have had more unexpected everything show up than one could possibly imagine!

So meanwhile, I had a client purchase a pkg for 15 sessions. I kept watching and watching for it to drop into my account. It never did. I waited for a week, it never did. I mentioned it to her and she researched it. Her statement said it went thru. SO! All of my credit card payments that go thru my website go thru PayPal. Even if ppl just use a credit card and don't use a PayPal account, it still goes thru PayPal. So, I look at this confirmation email that I got saying her payment went thru. I got their number and called them. I FIND OUT that I have a PayPal account. I had no idea I had a PayPal account! I had $5769 in that account! What?! So, come to find out, for the last year, every payment made on my website has gone to this account. What!? I never itemize all of of my deposits, I just thought they were going into my account, as I thought we had set up, and I simply always know how much I have by only using cash or debit and mobile banking to check my balance. Ha! Well, needless to say, I started breathing and called almost everyone I know! Everyone I know who loves me and has supported me in so many ways. I can now pay my mortgage up to date as well as all of my bills and probably even pay off a credit card, the balances
r not very high. Breathing. Took myself to Glenwood Springs for the night (still finagled a SMOKIN deal on the room, heehee), had the dinner I wanted, bought myself some nicer sunglasses, all without mortal fear and/or guilt. You have to understand how different this is for me in comparison to the last 4 months, I didn't spend anything except on Bella and was completely focused on her and us, because I never knew what I was going to need to do next, or how long we were going to be doing it. I was even worse after, for this last month. So, inhale exhale, surrender, expansion.

NOW, the lesson in this: absolute and complete and total surrender to the Divine and what is and not just me controlling it and thinking I have the answers, or even know what it should look like is the only way. In the last week, I literally questioned EVERYTHING. Especially what I want in my life and thinking that I know what I want in love, or even what love is. I haven't really known what love is for much of my life. My mother died when I was very young and my father went into complete shutdown. My Bella taught me what love really is. She is my example and my greatest teacher. I have had the realization that she taught me what my mother was supposed to teach me and that she created this process of her leaving me to get me to this place. To love myself as I loved her, to trust, even bigger-what surrender really is, what love is, how much of it I really have in my life, what I have right next to me that I am not acknowledging, how much unconditional love I have around and supporting me from all directions.

I had been DEATHLY terrified of losing Bella since I got her, from second one, I loved her so much. Maybe it's because on my soul level, I knew that the greatest lesson of my life would be involved and I would die to so many things. I am cellularly changed. I understand life, life and death, love, surrender, everything, so much more and differently. Before it was a concept that we r all going to die and I have to live my life. Now, I understand it so much differently. I have to live my life, for ME, not anyone else and how I want it, not for anyone else's ideas or things they tell me it should look like. What is REALLY true for me and what am I resisting simply to be RIGHT and for what anybody/thing has told me?!

Where r u resisting within yourself? What r u holding onto in your body? What's stopping u? Do u have any old ideas about anything in your life that r holding u back? Feel into it, ask yourself, ask your body. How can I help and support you? Take excellent care of u, u r the only u u have!

Life without my Bella

I had a client cancel on me this morning. I decided to use the time to sit in my backyard (instead of being busy around my house filling up the time picking up, as I normally do), be quiet and work on my focus and goals for my life, my blog, and creating space for whatever grandness is coming my way that I don't have an idea of. So I sit in contemplation and solace, with my water feature on, enjoying and loving being in my own sanctuary and piece of nature away from everything. I would love to take off and go be in the mountains, away from everything, for a weekend or a week, but I cannot do that right now, so I am being with and loving what I have in my life and with me right now. My fountain gives me the sound of running water, so I have the sound effects, and everyone can connect with Mother Nature, where ever they happen to be at that second. Be right here, right now.

You see, my Bella Angel Girl and I lost our fight with cancer almost 3 weeks ago.   She was such a big part of me and my life, and now I am left with finding my way and building the rest of my life without her.   For the last 4 months, I was her caretaker and we spent every second that was at all possible together.  I took her with me any place that it was at all possible: she went to my studio many many times, she went to outside meetings with me, we walked our favorite trail in the mountains together until she just stopped one day on our way up to the higher elevations and flat out told me she couldn't do it, I laid w her on the floor-loving her and praying for healing as I had the 3 other times her life was threatened and we beat it.   For anyone who didn't know my Bella, she was a lover and a fighter.  She was a so sweet, beautiful, strong, amazing being who loved loved loved everyone she met.  She was about as close to a reflection of me in a dog body as there could possibly be.   I really couldn't imagine me and my life without her.   So, she gave me lots of notice, to make sure we were ready, both of us, but mainly me.  We were both so tired by the end.

This process has been such a huge journey for me:  I started it holding on tighter than I ever have before.   I began to understand surrender, I integrated a big understanding of surrender into my body and being.  I came to understand where the balance of surrender and Fighting w every ounce of Momma Bear and Love I have, is.   I finally experienced being able to be with the thing that absolutely terrified me.  I let go.   I am learning how to integrate still feeling her beautiful spirit and letting go of the sadness of not having her body with me.

So, here I sit, in our backyard that she loved so so much, with my boy dog wandering around, helping me so much just with his presence, moving on with creating my life.  What were my big dreams before I started this?  Where was I going?  Who am I without my B here in physical form with me?   I must choose to find out, to remember.  She wouldn't want me to just sit and be sad and lost.  She knew I am amazing and she wanted me to love me as much as I loved her.   So, I am moving forward.  I can see her with me.  I feel her.  Along with my tears, my heart is so happy and thankful and expanded when I look at her pictures including the so sweet photo shoot we did weeks before she died.   I am finding and recreating me and my life from this pivotal point forward.

So, I'm back. You will hear from me more. :). I hope to see all of you more! The Dance continues and I look forward to all of you being my partners in this divine piece we are creating. Much love...

Gratitude Beyond Gratitude in My Life

My message today:

Sometimes I turn on the Joel Osteen Service on Sunday mornings. Sometimes he is speaking right directly to me, sometimes it's just a nice reminder or lovely positive message for me.

Today he was speaking right directly at me. His bottom line today was "Seek God in everything in your life. Say thank you for everything in your life, even, and especially, the mundane. If you seek God and stay in Gratitude, many many blessings will come to u, far greater then u can imagine or make happen by yourself."

I have decided this week to let go of a very toxic situation in my life. I have been holding on to this situation for many, many, many reasons (some of which I don't even realize consciously), not the smallest being that I make $1200/mo from this situation. This past week, I decided no more. I am trusting, asking for and open to receiving whatever shows up now to help me. I fully know that whatever shows up will not look like anything I can come up with or create all on my own, I'm going to need many things I have no control over to happen.

I also know I need to be thankful for what I do have in my life, and I have a lot. So so so many things have transpired for me to let me get to where I am now. So many people have come into my life in a BEYOND random way that has helped me get where I am today. I have much bigger dreams and aspirations and know I am on the road to much bigger things than I could have EVER have let myself imagine or even begin to step into doing and being even a year ago.

On the very same day, I found out that my Bella's cancer was making an appearance in her sweet little body again. Since then we have been on a healing mission. I now know that we have months, probably many months, instead of the days or weeks that I had feared and my vet had thought due to the pain she was in that day. She is now and Rollin along again, and I have been reminded ONCE AGAIN, that we are given gifts in our lives, and we need to be grateful for them, not take them for granted, in any way, shape or form.

So his message spoke directly to me: Seek God, Be in gratitude for everything, ASK for and RECEIVE miracles and profound, unbelieveable happenings in my life, ALLOW them to show up, to KNOW that things I can't even imagine will show up if I trust Spirit that will not evolve and happen if I go into fear in any way...to Stay in Love, because Love and connection and trust and being grateful for my Life, is really all there really is.

Fulfilled or Comfortable?

We live in a society that Is dedicated to our comfort , whether it is fulfilling or not. NOW, Consider the possibility that the Universe, God, Goddess, Your Higher Self, whatever You call it, is dedicated to your fulfillment, whether it's comfortable or not.

Think about that. How often has it happened that you fulfilled a dream, built a marriage, changed your body, created a business or anything else in your life that u really really wanted and that gave u the biggest happiness, depth and growth in your life and it was really really easy? If ever, then GOOD FOR YOU! You were completely ready for it, in so many ways. However, do we ever truly know what happened previously, internally or in life circumstances, to get us really ready for it? How do we know that the last big, hard challenge in our life wasn't what created the opportunity for that particular thing to be so incredibly easy?

I'm in yet another situation, well, several, that require a very challenging practice for me: patience, allowing, letting it be and unfold as it will, not as I want it to. I know it's unfolding, I know it will be beautiful, still challenging, still work but EVERYTHING I am being asked to wait and hold space for will be worth it. Whether it be relationship, body, current business, future business and new aspect of work that I am creating and growing into, this is all big, big stuff for me, now and in the bigger scope of my life. It's not exactly comfortable, but I LOVE the challenge and the growth and potential that is being created, germinated and fulfilled within my body, soul and being.

When have you let the discomfort stop you? When have you taken the easy way out? Have you regretted it and known that it could have been so much more? Have you felt like there was so much more to it and you owe it to yourself to follow that knowing and follow it thru? Then go there! Don't cheat yourself! Get everything that you can possibly get for yourself! Do it, take the first or the last step...where ever you are on the journey...and ALLOW your knowing, your body, your very being, to be your guide.

Butterfly...transformation

Butterfly...transformation...the butterfly goes thru 4 stages, the egg, the caterpillar, the larvae and the beautiful end result...the butterfly..birth the process, gather gather gather, ingest and digest information and knowledge, integrate it and come out on the other side something completely different...Transformation...the beautiful butterfly.

These r the steps to making any change in your life: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual.

Think about what has gone into Any change you have made in your life that has lasted. You had the idea. You gained the momentum. You researched and gathered facts, knowledge and information. You integrated and did whatever u needed to do to make the change and create the shift within yourself. You came out of the other side, Transformed!

No matter what your change, no matter what your own personal process and road to getting there, no matter what it took-months or days or minutes-the way to lasting change and Transformation are the same...noticing, making a change, making a decision, never looking back!

Take charge of your life. Take charge of your body. I choose. I decide.

transforming yourself into a strategic warrior in daily life

In Creating business or simply navigating daily life and all of it's challenges, "One of the 6 fundamental ideas you should aim for in transforming yourself into a strategic warrior in daily life:  worship Athena, not Ares. Athena was deemed by the Greeks to be the goddess of strategic warfare. Ares was the God of war in its direct and brutal form. The Greeks despised Ares and worshiped Athena, who always fought with the most intelligence and subtlety. Your interest in war is not the violence, the brutality, the waste of lives and resources, but the rationality and pragmatism it forces on us and the ideal of winning without bloodshed. The Ares figures of the world are actually quite stupid and easily misled. Using the wisdom of Athena, your goal is to turn the violence and aggression of such types against them, making their brutality the cause of their downfall. Like Athena, you are always one step ahead, making your moves more indirect. Your goal is to blend philosophy and war, wisdom in battle, into an unbeatable blend."-The 33 Strategies of War.

How cool is that?! Adds a whole different understanding to Feminine power, doesn't it?!  What does it mean to YOU?  “transforming yourself into a strategic warrior in daily life” fascinating.  come from strategy, asking, understanding, love, softness and flowing with what is to get what I want instead of forcing what I THINK it should be.  Taking down the opponent thru being centered and coming from your Hara and Love, rather than brute force...the Aikido Martial Arts aspect of Nia rather than the Taekwondo.  The people who function from this brutal place only are easily misled and do no actually function with the world and what is, but against it. “Using the wisdom of Athena, your goal is to turn the violence and aggression of such types against them, making their brutality the cause of their downfall. Like Athena, you are always one step ahead, making your moves more indirect. Your goal is to blend philosophy and war, wisdom in battle, into an unbeatable blend."  TOTALLY Aikido in Nia:  Spherical, centered, harmonious motion. Coming from the Yin, not Always the Yang.  As in Movement and Nia, all aspects must be balanced and welcomed, worked with-not against, that will simply cause imbalance, weakness and missed opportuities for growth and strength.

How do you conduct YOUR Life?  Do you come from balance or from one extreme or the other?  How do you take care of YOUR body, coming from Love to heal and change it or from Punishment and force?  Nothing will ever truly change and have lasting change if it is forced to do it...Choice, Asking, Receiving, Creating...